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read.me
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Wrap
Text File
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1992-01-12
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18KB
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1,643 lines
Unfortunately for you, dear reader, we have decided not to have a
"READ_ME.TXT" file on this disk.
The mere fact that you are reading it now does not prove a thing. Much like
life and the universe as we know it, this is only a figment of your
imagination.
Sorry to break the truth to you so harshly, squire.
Or maybe we're being a bit silly here?
I guess we are, actually.
Why not just go ahead with the standard "READ_ME.TXT" file, like we usually
have it hanging around somewhere on the disk?
OK. Let's.
Still a bit to go.
And another bit.
Yes! Yes! We're getting there.
(It's quite difficult, you know)
Now.
p 3 q
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p 1 q
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IGNITION!
(No, you stupid git!)
OK.
Er....
Well.....
p ZERO! q
(That's better)
Thank you.
p WELCOME! q
Once again we would proudly like to offer to you the latest issue of p ST NEWS q
- Volume 7 Issue 1, the fourth undead issue, released on January 11th 1992 -
the year that could have had Amsterdam organising the olympics but turned out
not to (thank God).
As we considered the previous issue of p ST NEWS q (Volume 6 Issue 2) a bit of
an achievement, we have gained immeasurable loads of inspiration we could use
during the creation of this issue. We think we have once more succeeded in
making an interesting and relatively up-to-date issue, although of course this
can only be judged by you, dear reader.
p WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? q
(THE BIT THAT PD LIBRARIES ARE ENCOURAGED TO INCLUDE IN THEIR CATALOGUES)
A lot, again. Not only do we have some hot (or not) articles, but we also have
some interesting other things to offer to you. In short, this is a list of SOME
of what we have on offer this time:
MORE ARTICLES THAN EVER BEFORE!
AN EXCLUSIVE PLAYER'S GUIDE TO "GODS", WRITTEN BY THE BITMAP BROTHERS!
THE SOLUTION TO "KING'S QUEST V"!
MANY REVIEWS, I.E. "OH NO! MORE LEMMINGS", "SHADOW OF THE BEAST II",
"RODLAND", "SILENT SERVICE II", "MAGIC POCKETS", "LETHAL XCESS",
"MONSTER BUSINESS", "S.T.U.N. RUNNER" (ON THE LYNX!), "ARMOUR GEDDON",
"BARBARIAN II" (PSYGNOSIS), "REVENGE OF THE MUTANT CAMELS"!
(AND A BIT MORE, OF COURSE)
REVIEWS OF ALL THE MEGADEMOS THAT CAME OUT IN THE LATTER HALF OF 1991 -
"OOH CRIKEY WOT A SCORCHER", "LIGHTNING DEMO", "PUNISH YOUR MACHINE" AND
"TRANSBEAUCE 2"!
THE UTTERLY AND RUTHLESSLY SLAGGING OFF OF A COMPETING DISK MAGAZINE!
(OR AT LEAST A TRIAL TO THAT EFFECT)
THE FINAL SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEMS WITH THE "1ST WORD PLUS" CRASH BUG!
THE SECOND (AND FINAL) PART OF THE DIVINE PLANTIAC PILGRIMAGE!
(WHERE THIS MESMERING SERIES WILL COME TO A STUNNING CONCLUSION)
THE COMPLETE, UNCENSORED AND UNABRIDGED "TERMINATOR II" FILM SCRIPT!
SOME SCINTILLATING PIN-UPS WITH FABULOUS ...ER... SPECIFICATIONS FOR YOU TO
DROOL AT!
MOST PASSWORDS OF "OH NO! MORE LEMMINGS" AND "REVENGE OF THE MUTANT CAMELS"!
THE MOST BRILLIANT ARTWORK (I.E. PICTURE) EVER PRODUCED ON AN ST!
(HONESTLY)
A USABLE DEMO VERSION OF A RATHER HOT SOUNDTRACKER - "ESION XLI"!
QUITE A LARGE NUMBER OF HIDDEN ARTICLES!
(MORE THAN EVER BEFORE)
A CUSTOM, HIGHLY FLEXIBLE PULL-DOWN WINDOW SYSTEM FOR USE IN ALL YOUR OWN
PROGGIES, WRITTEN IN GFA BASIC VERSION 3!
EXTREMELY RUDE SONG LYRICS!
TWENTY EASY TIPS TO TAX EVASION FOR MULTI-MILLIONAIRES!
(WELL...MAYBE NOT)
GREAT FICTION!
SOME RATHER STRANGE TITBITS IN BETWEEN EVERYTHING!
(AND SOME *WITHIN* THE EVERYTHING AS WELL)
Of course we have a lot more to offer - but you will have to run the program
to discover all of that. Besides, we can't go and tell you all there is to know
beforehand, you know.
p VICIOUS REPROGRAMMING q
The p ST NEWS q chief editor/programmer got very carried away recently;
inspired because of the previous issue, which caused him to rewrite all GfA
Basic 2.0 code in version 3.0, boasting a fully customised pull-down menu
system (the very same one that you will be able to read an article with source
material about).
So p ST NEWS q is now even better, faster, smoother, and generally quite OK
(ahem).
Sorry for any immodesty there. "Actually p ST NEWS q is now beyond average."
Better?
Ahem (again).
p HOW TO COPY IT q
Because we used the quite amazing "Pack Ice" packing and de-packing algorithms
throughout this issue, we have succeeded in putting everything on a double-
sided disk that is formatted with 80 tracks (numbered 0-79) with 10 sectors per
track. Even the daftest copy program around nowadays should be able to copy it.
A good choice would be "Fastcopy" by Martin Backschat. We could not use an even
more standard format as we actually had too much to put in. Sorry.
p PUBLIC DOMAIN NOTE q
Of course, this p ST NEWS q Volume 7 Issue 1 is once again Public Domain.
Therefore it may be copied to anyone you want. As a matter of fact, we would
really appreciate it if you'd copy it to all your friends and other assorted
acquaintances - especially if they run PD libraries.
PD libraries who sell this disk with quite a bit of profit are welcome to do
so. We only think it's a bit stupid because it will not improve sales much.
Donations by PD libraries and readers as such are welcome, of course (please
allow us to dream a bit, OK?). Any Public Domain library charging more than 1
or 2 pound sterling for this disk should get shot (possibly twice, and hung as
well)!
p CONTACT AD q
I'd very much like to get in contact with Tom "Interleave" Zunder. Can someone
supply me with his address or get him to read this issue of "ST NEWS"?
Thanks.
Richard
p POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE q
We like Jeff Minter a lot. Everybody does, or not?
Unfortunately, he tends not to take corresponding seriously. I called him
twice. I wrote two long letters and two short letters. I sent him three
postcards. He sent me his latest shareware game and the C-64 compilation ON
TAPE. I regret to say I'm waiting for more you said you'd send!
I'M ON THE EDGE! I MIGHT STILL HAVE TO JOIN THE SHEEP-LLAMA-YAK-AND-OTHER-
FLUFFY-ANIMALS-OBLITERATION FRONT SOON! PLEASE, JEFF!
A reminder: Llamatron uncompressed, ideas for adventure plots/puzzles,
Llamasoft poster, fanzine and something we can publish in "ST NEWS"!
Is that too much to ask?
(It probably is, but whataheck...)
The fan who proclaimed him "Software Saint"
p SOME QUICKIES (I.E. QUICK GREETINGS) q
I (i.e. Richard) would just quickly like to say hi to Kai and 'Dixie' Marc.
And to Paul Glover. Hi. Bye. I'd also like to send a quick greetings to all of
my fellow members in the Quartermass Experiment (Jurie, Eloy, Laurens, Alex
and, kind of, Tjeerd). And, last but not least: Yes, Bilbo of Ripped Off, we're
interested in your material. I couldn't say so to your face because I haven't
got your address!
Stefan was too tired to greet anyone when we wrote this.
Now y'all have fun reading, right?
p END OF THIS FILE q
(Don't worry - there will be no 'hidden read_me' this time)
There is really nothing more to give!
(Really!)
Well, maybe we wanted to do a hidden "READ_ME" file anyway. Basically, we did
this because, even after we had extended the scroll text and all that stuff, we
still had a lot of space left on the disk. As we believe people should get
their money's worth (even if the money is paid to a PD library and not us, and
even if nothing was paid in the first place).
We hope you are of the same opinion.
But what to write about?
I really don't know. It's like being at a coding convention at 3 AM, sitting
behind a computer on which a real-time article is being made.
Yes!
Maybe I should say that we are eating popcorn now. Maybe I should also say
that, apart from some Heineken, there is no alcohol left in the place. We
finished everything off last night. A bottle of Plantiac. Some whisky (Scotch,
Glenlivet). Some leftover Vieux of another brand. All gone.
And I will be gone now, too. I will leave Stefan to type some bull here.
Yeah. I just broke my "Revenge of the Mutant Camels" highscore after a
particularly intense session. 23 Million and something I have now. Try and beat
that!!
The atmosphere here is now a bit more sedated, the Fields of the Nephilim are
currently playing, the live version of "Dawnrazor" to be exact. Brill stuff if
you ask me.
In retrospect, the finishing of this issue went quite well. No bugs that
lasted for hours, driving me to desperation, no strange crashes. A lot of
cosmetic shit and quite some hidden-article quest hassle, but a breeze compared
by some weekends in which we attempted to finish another issue. I feel
exhausted now, a disk is sitting in the drive with "ST NEWS" Volume 7 Issue 1,
and once again I feel like the father that has been in a crowded and frenzied
hospital room where his wife gave birth. Minor complications but the little one
is fine now, laying peacefully in its cradle. Right. Now the rest of the world
has to know about it. Little brown envelopes containing disks will be trusted
to the (capable I hope) hands of the mailmen and women. Several people around
the world will receive it, sit down and enjoy it (they'd better!) Then they
will copy the disk a few times and send it to their friends. Slowly, this issue
of "ST NEWS" will travel around the world, bringing smiles to the faces of many
people. Now this is a dream I have and I hope it will come true....
OK, tiny drops of saliva flying through the air indicate that Richard wants a
go.
In case you are interested (you probably aren't but we're filling up here,
frankly) we are now listening to "Flying in a Blue Dream" of master guitarist
Joe Satriani. We just put it on after the Nephilim dudes quit.
It is a funny thing that Stefan should mention the lack of tough bugs that
occurred during the finishing of this issue. They were less persistent now, but
I would have been awfully glad if there wouldn't have been ANY at all. He has
been doing "ST NEWS" now for almost four years and, without exception, we have
NEVER been able to compile an issue without encountering bugs. Even the most
basic thingies went wrong somewhere - but I guess it's part of the overall
process and the charm of finishing "ST NEWS". So, each time we do an issue,
it's a little quest on its own. Everything has to work and all, and we're only
satisfied when it finally does so quite perfectly.
I guess this must all be really dull. Maybe I should therefore tell you that
Stefan just now brutally cut off Mr. Satriani's soothing string manipulations
in favour of watching bits of "Fry and Laury" (or something) that he taped
earlier last week.
Maybe I should mention that we watched "The Revenge of the Nerd" earlier,
which was an extremely funny film (even though it sounds dumb).
I think we should actually stop the lengthening of this file now - otherwise
people might start thinking we're full of crap (well...we are a bit, but not
everybody needs to KNOW that).
So this will be truly the end.
If you think we now still want to fool you by including lots of empty lines
with something at the end, you're DEAD WRONG.
Bye.
Maybe we should do something anyway. Stefan, as a matter of fact, is a very
active person. He switched off his video watch mode and is now on the phone
with Ynnor the Divine One, i.e. our ex-distributor Ronny Hatlemark from Norway.
Even though the poor man has no ST any more, we still think he's a terrific
person so why not contact him once in a while?
I find it hard to believe that the bits of muffled voice I hear arising from
the horn are actually coming from Ronny, whom I haven't seen or spoken in
almost exactly two years!
I JUST HEARD THAT RONNY IS NOT ONLY ENGAGED BUT HE WILL ALSO BECOME A FATHER!
Ynnor the Divine One will send forth a small thing made by himself to conquer
the world autonomously! You know this is almost impossibly hard to believe.
Not that Ronny (or his soulmate, Anne-Grete) are ugly or that I have doubts
about their potency, but it just seems so UNREAL. The child, I hear, is
expected to be born around June. I find it even more impossibly hard to imagine
Ronny decorating a baby room, changing diapers, etc.
Oh! I can speak to HIM! I will go now for a while...
(Stefan here)
Yeah! I just got the idea to phone up our long lost pal Ronny (or: Ynnor the
Divine One) and boy did I get a surprise! A father... I haven't spoken to the
dude in about two years, quite amazing.
Richard here again (I always like to have the last word, like we say in
Holland). I think the report of a phonecall with Ronny and the fact that he
will be a father within several months is a very worthy (TRUE) conclusion of
this file. So, after all, you got rewarded for your perseverance - none of this
was mentioned in "ST NEWS" anywhere, so...
So it's closing time. I hope you have enjoyed this "READ_ME" more than you
usually do. Bye.
THERE WILL BE NOTHING MORE!
And I mean: NOTHING!
This is getting really silly, isn't it?
You are slightly persevering, no?
Ahem.
Well, I looked over at my friend Susie. But her head was over there and her
body was somewhere else. And what about current day McDonalds, what? And
cutlery, spiders. We should hear her story. Sarah. What upset you? The snow on
the trees. Indeed. Would it be alright of I told the viewers? Immensely. On her
behalf. The Bold Avanger. Basingstoke. This is really out of scoop, is it not?
Are you not curious. Oh no. Revelation. Did you know it? Of course, it's
autumn. No no. It's winter. Is it? Yes. Indeed. Silly, no? Well go on, I'm
glad. I am not trusting you. Not for a twopence. The flowers are hanging below
the window. I wonder if you can remember what you was doing. Insect cane exams.
Kill wasps. Swatting away. There was a rush in my soul. Incredibly beautiful
and mysterious. Thomas. Why not? What could this feeling portend? Damn, damn.
The soul of Elvis. But isn't he dead? No James Brown is. Is he? No. He is still
alive. Silly willy. En de kat krabt de krullen van de trap. Customary
generosity. Legs. Trees. A candle flickering in the wind.
Now THAT is what you wanted to read, or not?
Oh my darling, I love you. And I always will.
Disgusting!
I will go on for quite a while longer, mind you. I will continue for at least
another 10 Kb (about 2000 lines).
Be prepared.
Or perhaps not.